Losing it!

I have recently found that mommy hood can bring out the best and worst in me. For instance, I am less stressed out than I have ever been. I am able to take a moment to look at the flowers about to bloom in my garden and I feel the most content I ever have. I love my life right now and would not change anything about it! As a family we are doing really well. So why tonight was it so easy for me to just yell at my husband, right in front of my brother-in-law and just loose it. I felt like a spark on a fuse...and I went off!!!!! Lack of sleep? Me hungry? Hormones? Long day? Of course those all have an affect, yet it was more than those things. I consider myself a fairly relaxed mother, who is able to go with the flow. I take Chloe out everyday and for the most part I just go with it. I want Chloe to be able to adapt to life, be strong and to know that sometimes days do not go according to plan. BUT when it comes to certain routines that really seem to be working and routines that I have worked so hard on making work, it frustrates me very quickly when others do not seem to care about the importance of them, or seem to forget what works and does not work. It was OK that we were home late...but I wanted the routine to be fast and easy. Easy it was not.

So what happened?? Tonight we came home later than normal and knew putting Chloe to bed could be harder than other nights. We had a great day...a long day! Chloe was very stimulated all day and seemed to love all the attention...yet that can back fire too! Chloe's normal bed time routine consists of dinner at around 5:15pm, bath around 6pm and in bed by 7pm. Well, we did not arrive home till 7pm...so things were out of whack, plus we had a guest with us! There is also a magic formula to nursing her to sleep. It involves me sitting in the rocking chair in the living room and the house being very quite. If I speak she gets distracted, if anyone else speaks she gets distracted, and if other people are in the house she gets distracted. So tonight, all those thing were off. I thought Russ was aware of that and I thought I would be able to handle it better. I wanted to be the cool Mom who could adapt and not let people talking in the background faze me. However, after nursing for 40 min, listening to the boys talk loudly in the kitchen, and having a baby who was not falling asleep...I got frustrated! It was now 8:15pm and I was not getting anywhere with Chloe. I could have moved "my routine" upstairs to the bedroom, but the chair up there is so uncomfortable and I was also being stubborn. So, after 40 min of nursing (normally takes 10-15min), I decided she was tired enough, had enough food and needed to go to bed...so I swaddled her and lay her in the crib (she was super sleepy). Of course she cried. Any Mom out there can tell you how much it makes your boobs ache and how awful you feel when your baby cries. It is not fun! I came downstairs only to realize that Mr Meowzers was not downstairs...he was in the bedroom, with Chloe! Not OK with me. So...I did something I never do. I opened the door, got the cat out and Chloe lost it even more. I left the room and I lost it too. I lost it bad, in front of Chris, my brother-in-law and I just let Russ have it. Looking back now I am sorry I did that...but I just was so frustrated. While he was casually chatting to his brother about beer and how great it was so visit DC, I was getting my nipples sucked off for 40 min, dealing with a cranky baby and the cat in the bedroom was just the last straw (it is "his job" to make sure both kittys are out).

So I guess I can look at the experience two ways. One, I love Russ and Chris so much that I am comfortable enough to loose it...we are family. Or two, I cant think of a second one. It just comes down to being tired, not communicating and learning that next time we make sure the cat is out of the room! Looks like we may be moving the rocking chair upstairs sooner than later!

PS> after 15 min of Chloe crying, with me going in once and comforting her, she fell asleep and we ate dinner in peace...laughing and apologizing to each other. Isn't family great!

Can I have some BACON please??

If you cant cook the BACON with the homemade butternut squash baby food, then you can at least give Chloe the BACON Chip bag while eating the veg!



Chloe wishes the squash had some BACON in it! Maybe she would like it better!!!!