Past, Present and Future

The class 1st weeks is an open forum presented by a very educated baby guru named Anne and meets once a week in Madison Park. It is a chance for new Moms and Dads to come together, ask questions, air their concerns and to learn about what to do and what not to do. It is broken into different sections, 1st weeks (weeks 1-12), next months (months 3-6) and then Sitters, Crawlers and Movers (months 6-9). I think there is one more after that, but I cant remember the name.

Chloe and I would go each week to this class when she was 7 weeks old and have just stopped going often (we have a new play group that I will blog about later). It was a great chance to get out early, meet new people and to just listen to other stories (sometimes it made me feel REALLY lucky compared to some of the other parents nightmare stories).

Today I got to go back to 1st Weeks with Kristin, Kam and 6wk old Kayla. It was awesome to see how far I have come and how much I have learned over the past few months. It made me look back at where I was and I left feeling emotional, happy, relieved, sad and excited all at the same time.

I miss my newborn who could only go to sleep with me. Chloe now goes to bed awake, in her own crib and has learned how to fall asleep all by herself (such a big girl!). I miss the days of being able to breast feed while talking and watching TV at the same time. Now Chloe is too distracted so it has to be quiet or I put a scarf over her to black out the world going on around us. I miss how small she was! I miss all her hair, but love watching it grow back in. Every morning I think she has grown at least 10 new hairs! I miss how quiet she was. I miss the days she slept all day and I could just watch movies! Now the TV is hardly turned on when she is awake, as her head turns immediately to it and she is glued. That just cant be good. I miss being able to go out past 5pm and not worry about the "bedtime routine". I just miss Chloe the newborn.

But...the class also made me so happy for right now. Chloe is becoming so much fun. She laughs and giggles every time I make a funny noise. She catches herself in the mirror and lets out the biggest squeals. She is constantly watching everything I do and wants to touch everything. The sound of a bag being crinkled is like heaven to her ears! I love her smile. I love her sounds...even the little cries when she needs something. I just love being her Mom. I love her bedtime routine of bath-time, singing, story and one more snuggle. I love when she goes to sleep peacefully at 6:30pm and I can make dinner, watch TV and have some alone time with Russ. Now that she is awake more, the days are longer, harder and some alone time is nice again. I love that each day is always so different. She is learning so quickly right now. Just last week she decided she could sit up fairly unsupported and can hold and grab at toys (and my hair, nose, lips, ears, boobs...everything!). I love she sleeps for so long! 12 hours most nights! Chloe is no longer a newborn, she is a real baby and I am so glad I am here to see every new moment.

Now she is 5mo I keep thinking about what comes next. I want to see her run down the stairs and jump into Russ's arms when he comes home from work. I cant wait for her to to say my name. I long for the day when she can dress herself! I cant wait for a shopping buddy! I am excited to see her be a big sister like I am. I am excited to teach her it is OK to fail...once in a while:) I am excited to cook with her! I am just excited to have a daughter.

So all in all the class was good for me today. I got to feel like a pro, look back at the past 5 months and to really appreciate that I am here, all day and every day to have these memories.

Husband phone calls

This all women will understand. Have you ever been so excited to hear your husbands voice over the phone, especially if they are out of town. I do. And then the phone call finally comes. You turn the TV down, your heart beats with anticipation, you give them all your attention, start to tell them about your day...only to get in return a "hmm", "OK", "ah ha"...really that's it. Nothing. It is like you are talking to yourself. I guess women are just better at talking! I love Russ, I love talking to him all the time, he makes me laugh...but boy do I hate the phone calls that dont go anywhere. Love you babe and see you tomorrow night for a real face to face conversation:) Sleep tight!

3:47am snap

Last night Chloe woke up at 3:47am. She was smacking her lips and starting to babble. Russ was sleeping on the mattress on the floor because I let one rip on his leg which he did not find attractive. At 3:49am Russ started to get up to switch beds with me which is when I snapped my fingers and pointed at him. It was almost like I was scalding a dog for jumping on the bed! Sorry babe!

(yes, I got up and got Chloe, fed her and passed out on the floor with her...Russ got the bed back and made sure to tell me at 8am he did not appreciate my finger snapping. I just wanted to see if Chloe would go back to sleep...yeah right!)

Chloe can do it!

It has now been a little over a week since sleep training boot camp began at the Rockne house...what a difference a week can make. With a little perseverance, consistency, tough love and my boobs aching we have success. For the past two nights Chloe has gone to bed sleepy, but awake, gets a kiss goodnight from me, watches her ladybug mobile go around once and falls asleep without a whimper. WOW!!! I am SO PROUD of her. I knew she could do it! Now we just have to work on me relaxing when she is asleep...

Sleep training has begun!

Poor Chloe...poor Mommy!! This is hard.

Chloe was such a good sleeper for the first 4 months, but around week 18 she started having a hard time going down for the night and then waking every few hours. The trend for the past two weeks has been her being awake till 9pm, sleeping till 11pm or 1am and then sleeping on the mattress with me. I was then only half sleeping, being woken to her every move...nursing around 4am and then again at 6am. Talk about disrupted sleep. Before we had a Chloe that went down at 7pm and slept till 7am...so I know she is capable of sleeping.

So, as of three nights ago we have started sleep boot camp. We bath, read a story, nurse and swaddle. I then lay Chloe in the crib awake, turn the mobile on and walk out the room. Walking out of the room is the hardest part. You want to stay and watch her fall asleep, be there for her to see you and most of all pick her up and make it OK. But...tough love has to come some time...I just didn't know it would be so soon and be so hard on me. Listening to your own baby cry, when you know you can make it stop in seconds is the hardest part of parenting I have experienced so far. I just want her to learn to love her bed, love sleeping as much as I do and to know I will always be here when she wakes up.

So...why now?? I know she can do it! I know she can sleep! I know Chloe is a smart girl and can learn quickly! I know I can not teach her to sleep with me, only to have her be 2 years old and have another baby who also needs me...so that is why this week was the start.

So here is the break down from the last 3 nights.

Night 1:
Cried for 50min!!! That is the longest she has ever cried!! I went in every 10 min to console by patting her tummy, singing my little Hallelujah song, and crossing my fingers and toes. After the third attempt at this, I did give in to picking her up. I had to be sure she was really tired, and not crying for food, pain...etc...whatever excuse I could think of. I think I just needed to hold her!
But, as soon as I rocked her, she immediately closed her eyes...so tired it was. After the 4th time, she settled down and fell asleep till 4am...where we went to the mattress to nurse and fall asleep till 6am. She woke up like nothing had happened. Big smiles and exactly the same as the day before.

Night 2:
Cried for 35 min! Big improvement from the night before. I did the same technique...going in every 10min to console and let her know I was here and she was OK. She fell asleep at 7:30pm and woke at 5:50am! Yahoo!!! ( yes...I picked her up...)

Night 3:
Cried for only 12 min!!!!!! I did not even go in the room. It is now 9:45pm and I have not heard a peep.

So now I know she can do this. I know she is a good sleeper and I now expect more from her than when she was first born. It is like her little brain has suddenly realized that I am here, will come when she really needs me and will be there when she wakes up. I am so proud of her and know we will get through this together. She turns 5mo old this week and I can not believe how fast it has all gone by.

Daddys Birthday

Yesterday was Russ's 31st Birthday! His first Bday with his daughter!! He had a great 30th year, and I know his 31st is going to be even better!

Chloe actually slept in till 9:30am (she was awake at 7am, but fell back asleep) which gave me a few minutes to finish his gift from Chloe. The gift was perfect...I framed 7 photos of the family for his new office (yet, he wants to hang it at home, because he likes it so much).

After playtime we headed out to Palisades in Magnolia for a Bday lunch. The view was spectacular and Chloe could not get enough of looking out the window. She loved the boats and the sunshine...just like her Daddy. The food was great. I had seared scallops with lentils and BACON!! Russ had a trio of sliders (lobster, salmon and crab). Dessert was also very good...lots of choc cake!!

After lunch we went over to the pool in Bellevue, took a walk in the park and finished the day off with Indian food.

It was a perfect family day!

Shopping with an OPEN shirt!

OK...this is cracking me up. I went to the frame store to get a gift for Russ Bday today and had the most embarrassing moment. I fed Chloe in the car before I went in (cranky baby), burped her, got out of the car and walked into the store holding her. The ergo and car seat seemed too much of a hassle to just buy a frame.

Well...I was in there for a good 10 min before I noticed that my shirt was UNDONE!!! ALL THE WAY!!!! I was walking around totally showing, asking store people to help me, saying hello to other customers...NO ONE told me. I got back to the car, put Chloe in the car seat and realized that it was all hanging out.

Lovely!