Past, Present and Future

The class 1st weeks is an open forum presented by a very educated baby guru named Anne and meets once a week in Madison Park. It is a chance for new Moms and Dads to come together, ask questions, air their concerns and to learn about what to do and what not to do. It is broken into different sections, 1st weeks (weeks 1-12), next months (months 3-6) and then Sitters, Crawlers and Movers (months 6-9). I think there is one more after that, but I cant remember the name.

Chloe and I would go each week to this class when she was 7 weeks old and have just stopped going often (we have a new play group that I will blog about later). It was a great chance to get out early, meet new people and to just listen to other stories (sometimes it made me feel REALLY lucky compared to some of the other parents nightmare stories).

Today I got to go back to 1st Weeks with Kristin, Kam and 6wk old Kayla. It was awesome to see how far I have come and how much I have learned over the past few months. It made me look back at where I was and I left feeling emotional, happy, relieved, sad and excited all at the same time.

I miss my newborn who could only go to sleep with me. Chloe now goes to bed awake, in her own crib and has learned how to fall asleep all by herself (such a big girl!). I miss the days of being able to breast feed while talking and watching TV at the same time. Now Chloe is too distracted so it has to be quiet or I put a scarf over her to black out the world going on around us. I miss how small she was! I miss all her hair, but love watching it grow back in. Every morning I think she has grown at least 10 new hairs! I miss how quiet she was. I miss the days she slept all day and I could just watch movies! Now the TV is hardly turned on when she is awake, as her head turns immediately to it and she is glued. That just cant be good. I miss being able to go out past 5pm and not worry about the "bedtime routine". I just miss Chloe the newborn.

But...the class also made me so happy for right now. Chloe is becoming so much fun. She laughs and giggles every time I make a funny noise. She catches herself in the mirror and lets out the biggest squeals. She is constantly watching everything I do and wants to touch everything. The sound of a bag being crinkled is like heaven to her ears! I love her smile. I love her sounds...even the little cries when she needs something. I just love being her Mom. I love her bedtime routine of bath-time, singing, story and one more snuggle. I love when she goes to sleep peacefully at 6:30pm and I can make dinner, watch TV and have some alone time with Russ. Now that she is awake more, the days are longer, harder and some alone time is nice again. I love that each day is always so different. She is learning so quickly right now. Just last week she decided she could sit up fairly unsupported and can hold and grab at toys (and my hair, nose, lips, ears, boobs...everything!). I love she sleeps for so long! 12 hours most nights! Chloe is no longer a newborn, she is a real baby and I am so glad I am here to see every new moment.

Now she is 5mo I keep thinking about what comes next. I want to see her run down the stairs and jump into Russ's arms when he comes home from work. I cant wait for her to to say my name. I long for the day when she can dress herself! I cant wait for a shopping buddy! I am excited to see her be a big sister like I am. I am excited to teach her it is OK to fail...once in a while:) I am excited to cook with her! I am just excited to have a daughter.

So all in all the class was good for me today. I got to feel like a pro, look back at the past 5 months and to really appreciate that I am here, all day and every day to have these memories.