Losing it!

I have recently found that mommy hood can bring out the best and worst in me. For instance, I am less stressed out than I have ever been. I am able to take a moment to look at the flowers about to bloom in my garden and I feel the most content I ever have. I love my life right now and would not change anything about it! As a family we are doing really well. So why tonight was it so easy for me to just yell at my husband, right in front of my brother-in-law and just loose it. I felt like a spark on a fuse...and I went off!!!!! Lack of sleep? Me hungry? Hormones? Long day? Of course those all have an affect, yet it was more than those things. I consider myself a fairly relaxed mother, who is able to go with the flow. I take Chloe out everyday and for the most part I just go with it. I want Chloe to be able to adapt to life, be strong and to know that sometimes days do not go according to plan. BUT when it comes to certain routines that really seem to be working and routines that I have worked so hard on making work, it frustrates me very quickly when others do not seem to care about the importance of them, or seem to forget what works and does not work. It was OK that we were home late...but I wanted the routine to be fast and easy. Easy it was not.

So what happened?? Tonight we came home later than normal and knew putting Chloe to bed could be harder than other nights. We had a great day...a long day! Chloe was very stimulated all day and seemed to love all the attention...yet that can back fire too! Chloe's normal bed time routine consists of dinner at around 5:15pm, bath around 6pm and in bed by 7pm. Well, we did not arrive home till 7pm...so things were out of whack, plus we had a guest with us! There is also a magic formula to nursing her to sleep. It involves me sitting in the rocking chair in the living room and the house being very quite. If I speak she gets distracted, if anyone else speaks she gets distracted, and if other people are in the house she gets distracted. So tonight, all those thing were off. I thought Russ was aware of that and I thought I would be able to handle it better. I wanted to be the cool Mom who could adapt and not let people talking in the background faze me. However, after nursing for 40 min, listening to the boys talk loudly in the kitchen, and having a baby who was not falling asleep...I got frustrated! It was now 8:15pm and I was not getting anywhere with Chloe. I could have moved "my routine" upstairs to the bedroom, but the chair up there is so uncomfortable and I was also being stubborn. So, after 40 min of nursing (normally takes 10-15min), I decided she was tired enough, had enough food and needed to go to bed...so I swaddled her and lay her in the crib (she was super sleepy). Of course she cried. Any Mom out there can tell you how much it makes your boobs ache and how awful you feel when your baby cries. It is not fun! I came downstairs only to realize that Mr Meowzers was not downstairs...he was in the bedroom, with Chloe! Not OK with me. So...I did something I never do. I opened the door, got the cat out and Chloe lost it even more. I left the room and I lost it too. I lost it bad, in front of Chris, my brother-in-law and I just let Russ have it. Looking back now I am sorry I did that...but I just was so frustrated. While he was casually chatting to his brother about beer and how great it was so visit DC, I was getting my nipples sucked off for 40 min, dealing with a cranky baby and the cat in the bedroom was just the last straw (it is "his job" to make sure both kittys are out).

So I guess I can look at the experience two ways. One, I love Russ and Chris so much that I am comfortable enough to loose it...we are family. Or two, I cant think of a second one. It just comes down to being tired, not communicating and learning that next time we make sure the cat is out of the room! Looks like we may be moving the rocking chair upstairs sooner than later!

PS> after 15 min of Chloe crying, with me going in once and comforting her, she fell asleep and we ate dinner in peace...laughing and apologizing to each other. Isn't family great!

Can I have some BACON please??

If you cant cook the BACON with the homemade butternut squash baby food, then you can at least give Chloe the BACON Chip bag while eating the veg!



Chloe wishes the squash had some BACON in it! Maybe she would like it better!!!!

How to get over a cold!

For a week now the Rockne family has been sick. First Chloe, then me and then Daddy. Not sure who had it the worst. Chloe had the runny nose and fever, I had the soar throat and lack of voice and then Russ got a man cold. So how did I get through the past 5 days??

A huge pan of Chocolate Glazed Brownies! Yum, Yum!

Its what the Mommy does!

Occasionally Chloe wakes up in the middle of the night. It is not a bad thing...babies do that.
BUT...when she does my brain immediately starts working...it is what the mommy does!

1. Is she just waking and learning how to put herself back to sleep?
2. Did she poop?
3. Is she hot?
4. Cold?
5. Teeth?
6. Why is Russ not waking up? Can he not hear this?
7. Stay still, don't move, she will hear you and it will get worse
8. Move a little, let her know you are here.
9. Be quite
10. Sing her a song...it will help her go back to sleep.
11. What time is it?
12. Damn it, now I have to pee.
13. Hungary?
14. No, not me, the baby.
15. Is the fussing escalating?
16. Is she figuring it out?
17. Stop moving Russ!
18. Yes, I know she is awake...I have been awake too for 10 min now! ( me talking to russ in code)
19. oh...she is figuring it out. Good job Chloe
20. oh...she learned...I taught her to sleep:)

So....after all this running through my head and Chloe going back to sleep, I am now left awake to continue on with my own thoughts, so I can get back to sleep

1. What am I doing tomorrow?
2. So excited for playgroup? I wonder whats for lunch?
3. Stop moving Russ
4. I'm hot
5. Now I'm cold
6. Why did she wake up? Will she do it again?
7. Go back to sleep Sarah...6am is coming fast.
8. What shall I cook tomorrow?
9. Ummm enchiladas sound good
10. Guess I need chicken
11. Did I set the dishwasher?
12. Hope its nice tomorrow and we can go for a walk
13. So glad the boys are not scratching the door
14. Wow, she is still sleeping
15. Why am I not sleeping?
16. This would be a good blog
17. Ok...sleep Sarah. Stop thinking
18. Russ...stop moving
19. I love this family:)
20. Go back to #1!

Nothing left in me

On Friday morning I woke up at 4:30am. Not by Chloe, but by my stomach making the worst sounds...and spinning in circles. I ran downstairs to the bathroom (did not want to wake Chloe, or Russ by using upstairs) and just made it. Yep, I had the stomach flu...or food poisoning. The jury is still out on that one. Russ came down at 5am to help me and immediately said he was staying home for the day! Thank god he was here!

So what is it like to have a stomach flu and a 5mo old that only will eat from your breasts...well...in one word...SUCKS! I have never felt so ugly, so tired, so exhausted! Forget morning sickness, forget being tired because Chloe woke up 6 times the night before, this is way worse. I felt like I had nothing left to give. Not only are you being depleted by both sphincters. you are also being depleted by multiple holes in your breasts...every 2 hours! Yes...Chloe of course wanted to nurse more those 4 days than normal! Poor Chloe. Poor Russ. Poor me!

It is now Tuesday night and I have just started to feel better. Lets just hope that continues!

And....thanks babe so much for taking care of Chloe and me! You are the best husband and Dad! I love you tons!

Mommy Mimosa Pics!

I thought it was about time to post some pics of Mommy time!

Mommy Mimosa time meets every Thursday at 11am...a.ka Playgroup. As you can see we like our spiked OJ! It has become somewhat of a staple:) Luckily we hang out for at least 4 hours, eat a ton of food and try to also go for a walk...if the weather lets us...so one small mimosa is not a problem.

We have now been meeting for a month so I thought I should post some pictures of the babies...I have yet to get some good pics on the Moms (except Lauren above).

Here is the group:

Clockwise we have Danny, Allison, Chloe, Edie and Mae!

And here is Danny again!

And Allison!
And Edie moving so fast you can hardly see her!

And finally Mae!
And Chloe and Edie taking a nap, after lots of playtime!

Hopefully I will get some shots of the Moms this next week...but this will have to do for now.

Past, Present and Future

The class 1st weeks is an open forum presented by a very educated baby guru named Anne and meets once a week in Madison Park. It is a chance for new Moms and Dads to come together, ask questions, air their concerns and to learn about what to do and what not to do. It is broken into different sections, 1st weeks (weeks 1-12), next months (months 3-6) and then Sitters, Crawlers and Movers (months 6-9). I think there is one more after that, but I cant remember the name.

Chloe and I would go each week to this class when she was 7 weeks old and have just stopped going often (we have a new play group that I will blog about later). It was a great chance to get out early, meet new people and to just listen to other stories (sometimes it made me feel REALLY lucky compared to some of the other parents nightmare stories).

Today I got to go back to 1st Weeks with Kristin, Kam and 6wk old Kayla. It was awesome to see how far I have come and how much I have learned over the past few months. It made me look back at where I was and I left feeling emotional, happy, relieved, sad and excited all at the same time.

I miss my newborn who could only go to sleep with me. Chloe now goes to bed awake, in her own crib and has learned how to fall asleep all by herself (such a big girl!). I miss the days of being able to breast feed while talking and watching TV at the same time. Now Chloe is too distracted so it has to be quiet or I put a scarf over her to black out the world going on around us. I miss how small she was! I miss all her hair, but love watching it grow back in. Every morning I think she has grown at least 10 new hairs! I miss how quiet she was. I miss the days she slept all day and I could just watch movies! Now the TV is hardly turned on when she is awake, as her head turns immediately to it and she is glued. That just cant be good. I miss being able to go out past 5pm and not worry about the "bedtime routine". I just miss Chloe the newborn.

But...the class also made me so happy for right now. Chloe is becoming so much fun. She laughs and giggles every time I make a funny noise. She catches herself in the mirror and lets out the biggest squeals. She is constantly watching everything I do and wants to touch everything. The sound of a bag being crinkled is like heaven to her ears! I love her smile. I love her sounds...even the little cries when she needs something. I just love being her Mom. I love her bedtime routine of bath-time, singing, story and one more snuggle. I love when she goes to sleep peacefully at 6:30pm and I can make dinner, watch TV and have some alone time with Russ. Now that she is awake more, the days are longer, harder and some alone time is nice again. I love that each day is always so different. She is learning so quickly right now. Just last week she decided she could sit up fairly unsupported and can hold and grab at toys (and my hair, nose, lips, ears, boobs...everything!). I love she sleeps for so long! 12 hours most nights! Chloe is no longer a newborn, she is a real baby and I am so glad I am here to see every new moment.

Now she is 5mo I keep thinking about what comes next. I want to see her run down the stairs and jump into Russ's arms when he comes home from work. I cant wait for her to to say my name. I long for the day when she can dress herself! I cant wait for a shopping buddy! I am excited to see her be a big sister like I am. I am excited to teach her it is OK to fail...once in a while:) I am excited to cook with her! I am just excited to have a daughter.

So all in all the class was good for me today. I got to feel like a pro, look back at the past 5 months and to really appreciate that I am here, all day and every day to have these memories.